Changeling
by Elviae
Summary: Bella is finally a vampire and now it's up to the Cullens to channel her newborn instincts into a 'vegetarian' diet. But it seems Bella's instinct has other ideas... Author's Note: I'm really sorry. But don't expect too much. I happened to revisit this after a few years and found there was more to write, but my interest in it comes and goes.
1. Chapter 1: Beginning

There wasn't any sleep, I knew there wouldn't be, once I was turned. Once I was no longer human. But I still longed for consciousness to leave me, even as I became increasingly alert, increasingly aware of everything around me. It was like everything had blurred and was now finally coming back into focus, except the focusing didn't stop and things became more and more overpowering. Sounds, sights, smells all continued to increase in intensity until I was almost overwhelmed.

I lay utterly still, for the first time in three days. I tried to tune it all out, it was too much to process at that moment. I just wanted, needed to relax. Eyes closed to cut off my oversensitive vision, I realised suddenly that there was no air passing through my lungs. I'd unconsciously cut that off too, trying to escape the bouquet of scents that assaulted my nose. Hearing was a little harder. I frowned as I concentrated on tuning out the incessant scratching, scuffling, murmured conversations that were surrounding me, making me feel claustrophobic. Finally, not silence, but quiet encapsulated me and I breathed a sigh of relief, cringing suddenly as my nose was assaulted again. This time there was one scent that I knew and recognised, more prominent amongst the others.

"Edward?" My voice sounded different to my own ears, but felt croaky in my throat. I knew he was there. I could feel his presence in the room where I'd spent the last three, hell filled days in way that was weird and alien to me, but somehow instinctive and natural. I heard him move around the bed, which was strange. He had always moved so silently. His scent surrounded me, familiar, but stronger than it had ever been to me as a human.

"Bella." My name was not questioned back, but the sharp, clear ring of his silky voice in my head granted me instant gratification. I opened my eyes then, it didn't startle me that his face was inches from mine, not the way it would have three days ago. I examined his hard expression, glorious lips pressed into a hard line on his angelic face.

About to speak again, I stopped. I was slowly becoming aware of a dry ache in my throat and an empty, hollow feeling in my stomach. I had a good idea what it was, and tried to ignore it, focusing instead on the face in front of me. The angel face, that at the moment, looked strained. His golden topaz eyes were fixed on my face, as if expecting me to jump forward and make a run for it.

"What is it?" I asked, a tingle of fear slivering down my spine. Fluidly, strangely fluidly, I sat up straight. I waited for the rush of blood, the dizziness, but it never came. It took only a few seconds for me to realise that it wasn't going to come. And not only now. I would never have to deal with that weakness again. There was a small thrill of excitement that accompanied that realisation, but also a small quiver of uncertainty. I had an eternity of life laid out before me now, only now did I feel intimidated by it. My gaze flicked over Edward's rigid form on the bed next to me. He still hadn't answered my question.

"Edward? What is it?" I asked again, the tingle of fear becoming stronger, spreading to constrict my lungs and tighten my muscles. Muscles that felt strangely coordinated.

His eyes never left my face and mine fixed finally on his. He must have read the panic in my expression because the tension in his carved feline body eased slightly. A small smile curved his perfect lips. "Your eyes." He said in explanation, he slowly reached out, as if approaching a wild doe and brushed his fingertips against my cheek. Confusion sparked. They didn't feel cold, not like I remembered, and they didn't feel warm. I reached up a hand to take his, twining our fingers slowly without taking my eyes from his. There was no coldness; his skin didn't even feel particularly hard.

There was an uneasy feeling in my gut that was warring with the increasing feeling of emptiness. "What's wrong with my eyes?" Panic rose in the back of my throat. Had something gone wrong?

Maybe my voice wasn't as composed as I'd liked. He chuckled and shook his head, his hand tightened on mine. It felt strange now, in its neutral temperature. He didn't answer, instead pulled me to my feet. We crossed the room and he stepped ahead of me to open a wardrobe door, revealing a floor to ceiling mirror which he pushed me in front of.

An involuntary gasp escaped my lips as I clapped eyes on what simultaneously happened to be one of the most beautiful and the most terrifying creatures I'd ever seen. Her skin was moonlight pale, flawless and almost translucent, like ivory except for beneath the eyes, were a dark purple shadow made her look haunted. Thick, deep brown hair shimmered to her waist, impossibly luxurious and soft. The creature's body was streamlined, efficient and lithe. She looked deceptively slight and soft, not particularly athletic, but enticingly slim. It was like looking at a portrait of a night angel, but the most disturbing feature by far was the crimson red eyes that shone with incredible intensity from the perfectly formed face. I saw something in them that scared me and it was that one feature that had me stepping back involuntarily.

The reflection stepped back also. That person was me. The crimson eyes widened in astonishment, but I didn't get a chance to voice my surprise. My throat ached and my stomach suddenly clenched painfully. The feeling made me cringe. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I flicked a glance over my shoulder at Edward. He was watching me, he looked concerned. "How are you feeling?" There was a guarded edge to his words that had me blinking with confusion. It seemed like he was asking more than what his words initially indicated. I stared blankly for a few moments, but my stomach gave a particularly painful protest. I couldn't help the hiss that escaped my teeth and almost startled myself with the feral noise.

I caught the understanding on Edward's face and didn't have time to respond before he was gripping my shoulder again and guiding me quickly from the room. I followed passively, all my attention centred on the horrible hunger that was churning in my gut, rapidly becoming the centre of my existence. I had to ease it, I had to eat. The sudden cool breath against my ear made me jump. It seemed my nerves were scraped raw tonight.

"Hold on," Edward murmured soothingly to me, his grip tightening on my shoulder. Snapped out of my brooding, I noticed he'd brought me outside. I didn't consciously realise I'd been sniffing the air until I caught the scent of another vampire. It was becoming rapidly harder to calm myself, but I tried to anyway, stilling my unconscious restless prancing and focusing on the small figure of Alice that walked toward us now. I wondered briefly why she didn't just appear next to us as she always did. She was taking too long to make her way over. I glanced up at Edward again, surprised at the hard set of his jaw as he also watched Alice approach. The aching dryness in my throat seemed to expand and shot downward to my stomach, making me shudder. He had to let me go. Suddenly, it was all I could think about. I had to get free of his grip so I could go and… ease the pain I was in.

My muscles bunched, but I found my way blocked by Alice, no doubt she saw what I intended to do. In that moment I realised that Alice had been moving as fast as she always did. It was me that had changed. I was a vampire. I could move faster, was stronger than I ever thought possible. My dream had come true, I could be with Edward. But I couldn't focus my thoughts on anything but my hunger. What was it I'd been told, about newborn vampires? I was faster, stronger than they were. They couldn't stop me.

The feral growl that escaped my throat didn't surprise me this time and I leapt to the right, trying to avoid Alice's interception. She shifted to accommodate, her concentration apparent on her face as she kept track of my choices. I tried to feign to the left, but she caught that too.

"Bella," Edward sounded pained. I'd forgotten about him. It seemed he still didn't have access to my mind, but he could read my choices in Alice's. He wasn't important, the only thing I could think about was filling my stomach. So hungry, I was so hungry.

Another part of me stood back, strangely detached. I could feel astonishment, disgust and disbelief at the way I was acting, but the vampire instinct was quickly drowning out even that small amount of conscience. But it was Edward, and because his pain made a kind of tenderness bloom in my chest, I stopped, and I looked at him, taking in his familiar, movie star face. In the gloom of night he looked at home, and more like a mysterious vampire than ever. I swallowed, to try and rid myself of the dryness.

"I'm hungry," I voiced, sounding more than a little annoyed. "Let me go."

"I know. We're going to take you hunting. You only need to wait a little longer." His tone was cool now, his amber eyes smouldering. I glanced between him and Alice, shifting restlessly. I knew they followed every small nuance I made. In an effort to curb my red stained thoughts, I tried to take in where we were.

Carlisle and Esme had moved the family to Alaska, following Edward and I after the wedding that was held in Forks. We settled in a small town called Juneau, close to the sea and surrounded on all sides by lush, prey-filled forests. There was miles and miles of it, giving a new vampire plenty of room to manoeuvre and learn the ropes. They'd given us a week, at Edward's request, to take care of certain parts of our agreement. Then all too soon they had moved in, for the three almost delirious days of pure torture that would make me a part of their family. The house was on the very outskirts of the town itself and I stood in the clearing out the back of the house, looking into the beginnings of the dark forest. It had been forbidding and intimidating before, but now was only inviting. I didn't even feel the cold.

"Why?" I asked, my eyes now fixing on Alice, waiting for an opening. "I don't want to wait." My voice took on a desperate edge which wasn't lost on him, or on Alice. I knew why. They were waiting for Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett to join us. Strength pumped through my body, I was aware of it, almost acutely aware of it, it was invigorating.

"Catch her!" I was only aware of Carlisle's voice behind me in passing, already breaking free from Alice's iron grip on my arm. I sprinted forward, giving myself over to the stronger, seductive instinct that wanted to relieve my pain. "Bella stop!" Edward's own voice registered, but I wasn't listening, driven by mechanistic hunger. I was dimly aware that he leapt after me, following. It didn't matter. I would get what I wanted before he could catch me

The speed, experienced before on Edward's back was no longer terrifying, but exhilarating. Trees flitted past on either side of me, my reflexes too fast to risk hitting anything. Why had I ever doubted Edward's ability? Now it just seemed silly.

I was breathing in the air, great gulps of it. Scents, multitudes of them met my heightened senses. I tasted them all on the air, sifting through them and pinpointing the one I wanted. I grinned, pleased with myself before changing directions and heading back toward the small human town.

My vision was stained red. My hunger was the only thing I could think about, it gnawed at my mind, filling my mouth with a strange tasting liquid and making my stomach yearn emptily. I lurked outside a tidy, red brick house. There were four in there, sleeping. I breathed deeply, taking in their scent, letting it take over…

"Isabelle stop." Why did he want me to suffer? Why wouldn't he let me eat? I turned around to face Edward behind me, and as it happened, the rest of the Cullen family. My eyes flicked between the glorious faces, suddenly angry.

"I'm hungry."

"I know, I know you're hungry. We'll go hunting, but you have to come with us." His tone was beseeching, and filed with pain. It wrenched at… well, whatever it was I had in place of a heart. My face must have shown my reluctance, because he took a step forward. "Come on Bella. You don't want to go in there."

But I did. I did want to go in there. And I new with a piercing clarity that no matter what any of them did, they weren't going to stop me.


	2. Chapter 2: Unexpected

I leapt forward, the strange coordination of my muscles propelling me forward powerfully. My throat was burning and it felt as if the fire was spreading through my veins, like the venom was still doing its work. The smell I had followed, the smell emanating from the house was intoxicating and I knew the beings inside were the source They could stop the burning in my throat, I could see it in my mind's eye. They'd be sleeping at first, but a small eddying current of cool air would wake them, their screams would stick in their throats as my teeth clamped down and the sweet, cooling spray of rich blood…

Something, some surviving part of my human self was screaming in horror but it was drowned in pain, the all consuming pain that did not allow me to rationalize, to think, only feel. _It doesn't matter_. It was telling me. _Kill now, think about it later._ And I agreed.

I could have screamed in frustration when I felt a sudden tug at my waist and realised that Alice had read my intention split seconds before I executed it. If not for her ability I would already be feasting. At the back of my mind I was aware of the way I was acting, what I was turning into, but there was no help for it. My human conscience just wasn't strong enough to balance the pain I was in. I snarled and struggled to get free but just when I thought Alice was losing her grip, Emmett stepped forward and roughly grabbed my arms, pulling me off the ground.

"You have to control it Bella, you don't want to harm those people in there. I know you don't." That voice was Carlisle's, but I couldn't see him.

_It hurts! _I wanted to yell, but my eyes rested on Edward and the expression on his face had my protests dying in my throat. My mouth was filling with the strange tasting liquid in anticipation for a meal, it was like a sickly sweet version of aniseed. I understood then what it was. My struggles calmed a little and I turned my head to the side, uncharacteristically spitting the excess venom onto the ground, trying to rid myself of the taste of it, momentarily disgusted.

My eyes did not leave Edward and I watched his jaw tighten, saw the strain on his face. He was blaming himself, I could tell. I could almost see the regret etched on his perfect face. It hurt. And it hurt almost as much as the thirst that was burning through my body. He had turned me into a monster, and I was acting like a monster.

His beautiful topaz eyes flicked to Emmet behind me, in a silent order and I found myself dropped back on the ground. I landed competently on my feet, and I couldn't decide whether that surprised me or not. My muscles instantly bunched, but in the light of Edward's scrutiny, I stopped. It took a monumental amount of self-control to do just that. Relief was so close.

To my astonishment, Edward stepped forward and took my hand in a vice grip that would have broken my bones if I was still human. He carefully avoided meeting my gaze and proceeded to pull me toward the house. It was my turn now to hesitate, uncertain what it was he was doing, but that didn't last long. The scent was too enticing. I swallowed, trying to ease the all-consuming ache in my throat. My hand was trembling in his with the intensity of it. I did my best to walk just a little behind him, letting him lead, but it was hard, and I knew that if I had any tears they'd be streaming helplessly down my face.

I wondered at Edward's strange silence, but it's importance paled in comparison to my impending meal. My breath was coming in quick, short bursts, though I didn't need it and it wasn't helping, I still tried to use the cool air to alleviate the burn. If I'd been human, I would have missed Edward's next words, but as it was my heightened senses were trained curiously strongly on him. Instinct again, no doubt. He was the more experienced hunter after all.

"Keep quiet and stay close," he murmured. When I glanced at him I realised that his attention was focused on the house. I was so thirsty that it didn't mean anything to me that he was bringing me into this house, even though I knew he was going against everything Carlisle had taught him, everything he believed in. He was going to put innocent humans in danger by bringing me past their doorstep.

He let go of my hand for a moment, moving forward to a window that looked like it led into a lounge room. I watched as his fingers moved along the edges, then he lifted it smoothly, the white paned glass yielding with only the faintest whisper. The scent wafted out, stronger than it had previously, but before I could jump forward, Edward's hand was gripping mine again and he was leading me into the house. I bit my lip, climbing over the sill with relative ease. I remembered a time when I might have tripped and stumbled, then blushed, while Edward looked on in amusement. But of course, if I'd been able to do that, then we wouldn't be breaking into a house to kill its occupants.

He led the way up the stairs and I stayed close behind him, my senses focusing more and more with every step, until there was nothing other than the presence of the living, breathing prey. Nothing but the smell of the blood that coursed through their veins and nothing in that house but a way to relieve my unbearable pain. Edward's arm came out in front of me and I stopped, looking up at him in annoyance until he hissed under his breath. The hostile sound surprised me, but had me quieting. Instinct ordered me to submit in a way that was almost animalistic. I had a short flash of biology class.

We ascended a flight of stairs and he stepped ahead of me to open a white painted door. I almost whimpered with relief at how close I was to quenching my agonizing thirst, but remained quiet. There was a child curled up in baby pink sheets, blissfully unconscious and lost in its own dreamscape. I assumed it was a girl, no more than nine years of age. It took everything I had not to leap across the room and sink my razor sharp teeth into that pulsing jugular. Edward moved forward and without hesitation, used nothing but his thumb and forefinger in just the right place to knock the sleeping child out. The scary part was, it didn't bother me. My mind was clouding, pushing out any sense of my human self.

Edward looked over at me then, and there was something in his eyes that seemed shuttered, as if he was bracing himself to block out what was going to come next. He casually grabbed the human around the neck and lifted her up, a helpless offering. I stepped forward, and was one again surprised when Edward spoke.

"Are you going to hurt this child Bella?" He asked softly. It didn't seem he expected an answer. "Are you going to kill her? Spill her blood?" He then suddenly looked enraged, savage. He nicked the girl's throat with a nail, and I watched the shift of colour in his eyes, burnished copper, black, then topaz again as dark blood collected and began to drip down her throat. He held still, waiting, though it couldn't have been more than split seconds that passed before I was lunging forward, teeth bared, my body almost singing its release.

And again, it only took split seconds for me to freeze, mere inches away from the leaking cut and cringe. The smell of the blood, like salt and rust assaulted my nose, stronger than it had ever been when I was human and unthinkably, my stomach heaved. In a whirl of motion I was no longer standing in the bedroom of the big, beautiful house, Edward swept me up and out of the second story window with little real effort and deposited me on the grass in the front yard.

The Cullens were waiting and Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper moved forward as soon as we were in sight, as if to restrain me again, but Edward was shaking his head, lifting a hand to signal to them to stay back.

My stomach roiled and I retched, depositing globs of thick clear liquid on the ground, trying all the while to get a hold on myself. It was just typical, that I should have a reaction like this. Edward was right. My luck was horrible. When I started spitting blood Edward moved forward to rub my back, obviously unsure what to do. Apparently queasiness wasn't a common problem among vampires. All I knew was that the blood leaking from that girl's body was not the scent I'd smelled, and the pain had not receded.

After ten minutes, I was able to straighten and leant against a willow tree, appalled at my display. Carlisle was quickly at my side, frowning in confusion, much like the rest of the Cullens who were standing a few feet back as if they might contract whatever it was that was making me sick. I knew what it was though. I'd always been sick at the sight and smell of blood. There was no justice in the world.

"Wow," Alice skipped up unafraid, tilting her head slightly to look into my face. "Was it really that bad?"

I was focused enough to muster a glare, but was distracted when Carlisle spoke. "What happened?" He asked, looking at Edward. Obviously he didn't expect a coherent answer from me.

"She… got sick…" his voice trailed off, looking at me, the same puzzled and confused expression on his movie star face. As if I was supposed to make more sense of it than he did. Carlisle looked at me as well.

I could have cried. I was in so much pain and couldn't go near the only thing I knew would help? Why was the world so against me? I fought my knees as they threatened to buckle and stayed upright, clearing my throat. "It was the smell," I shuddered. That really was the only explanation I could give. I glanced up toward the window. That girl was safe now.

Carlisle looked even more confused. "The smell?" He questioned. At that moment Esme stepped forward. "Perhaps we should bring Bella back to the house?" She was looking at me with a measure of concern, no doubt seeing the strain and suffering etched on my face. There was always the possibility that I might snap and disregard my sickness after all. I remembered the smell of the blood and almost shuddered again. Tough chance. "Alice, we can bring something back to her for tonight."

Edward moved closer and slipped an arm around my waist, which I was immensely grateful for. I leant on him a little, allowing him to take part of my weight. By this time I was trembling with pain and more than anything I wanted to sate the excruciating burn, the sharp shooting pains in my stomach. I clenched my teeth on the scream that wanted to tear from my throat and Edward's arm tightened.

I didn't take in any more of the conversations that were going on around me, the roaring in my ears was too loud. I wanted it to go away, to leave me alone. What I wouldn't give for the simple solace of sleep. Edward was murmuring something in my ear, but the words, or the meaning of them was lost. It wasn't important, nothing was important, only stopping the pain. I would have tried to break away, find something, anything to slake the fire in my throat but now I was frightened. What if there _was_ nothing? Would I have to live with this pain for the rest of my immortal life?

Ok, I had to focus on something else, anything else. What was Edward saying?

"I will, I'll help you Bella, you won't suffer because of me. Just wait a little longer. Just a little longer." It was an endless litany of comforting words, whispered against my ear in a way that would have had my heart racing as a human, but now I could only listen passively, focusing on his voice to lessen the throbbing. Only then did I realise the soft pleas that were leaving my lips. _Edward please, it hurts. Please make it stop._ The beautiful, intoxicating scent was still there, still enticing, but if it wasn't the blood, then what was it?


	3. Chapter 3: Sacrifice

"Bella?" I was aware of Edward's voice, but I didn't really hear it, my mind was entirely too far away. "Bella?" He tried again, this time giving me a gentle shake. I just wanted to curl up into a white stone ball and die. But unfortunately that was no longer even remotely possible.

As soon as we returned to the Cullen's house just outside of town, Edward took me up to the bedroom and lay next to me, uttering sweet assurances in his silver velvet voice. He kept his arms securely fastened around my waist; a measure that I was sure had less to do with intimacy and more to do with keeping me here. Though, instinctively I was aware there was no way he could stop me if I decided to leave. I turned my head, not making a sound, but giving an indication that I was listening.

"Alice is back, she's brought something for you…" his voice trailed off, but I knew what they'd brought. I was also aware that Alice was back. Like having an internal radar, I could tell who was in the immediate vicinity, both alive and undead. I didn't say anything, just nodded.

Edward's hand, not so icy now that my skin was the same temperature as his, brushed my hair from my forehead lightly. "Is it bad?" His voice was barely a whisper, but I heard it. I didn't trust myself to open my mouth, so I simply nodded again. He was aware that I'd stopped breathing, had done so as soon as I remembered that I could. The smell that seemed to follow me was just too delectable and there were well defined limits to my self control.

When he got up, I followed, keeping my lungs carefully deflated. We descended the stairs and crossed the living room into the kitchen and out into the Cullen's backyard. My gaze immediately fell upon a rather large stag that didn't look like any species of deer I was familiar with. I knew what I was supposed to do now, but I didn't move, frozen by Edward's side.

Esme and Carlisle stood off to one side, both of them watching me intently, as if I was about to spontaneously combust. Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper were nowhere in sight. Edward took my hand and the movement snapped me out of my trance. My gaze flicked up to Alice.

"Come on Bella, what are you waiting for?" She asked, reading uncertainty on my face. She looked at the beast she was holding on a thick hemp rope, evidently trying to discern the problem. It was straining against her hold, the rope taught with its effort to keep away from what it knew to be predators. The whites showed around the deep black of its eyes, the only evidence of its silent panic. Well, the only evidence beside the slight tang of fear in the air that my nose picked up and identified without much problem.

I glanced at Edward, catching a slight encouraging nod before focusing on the animal. It looked pitiful, out of its depth. I realised that I didn't know what to do. Did I just jump on it? Were there rules? Guidelines? Did I just bite anywhere into that thick fur and instantly feel relief? I swallowed, realising that there was an acrid, sickly sweet build up in my mouth.

The frustrated huff came from Alice and almost jolted me back into breathing again. I held off though… just. "Oh look," she said her tone exasperated. She easily, and without much visible effort, flipped the stag into its side and pulled its head out of the way, exposing a large part of its throat. I could tell it didn't like this, but Alice's grip was like iron and it couldn't even move an inch. "You bite in, right here." She pointed to a spot on the beast's neck with her free hand. "Don't worry about the fur, it won't fall out at this time of year." She made a face that told me she had had the unfortunate experience of going hunting at the wrong time of the year.

It was Edward's gentle forward nudge that finally had me moving toward her. I flicked a desperate glance at Carlisle, but both his and Esme's faces were as expressionless as stone. No help from that quarter. I focused my attention back on the animal. Was relief from this awful pain really that simple? Since I'd stopped breathing, the pain lost its edge, but it was by no means gone. I crossed the small amount of distance between Alice and I and dropped down onto my knees. My further hesitation had Alice's eyes narrowing. "Breathe Bella, smell it, let the instinct take over." She provided quietly. I threw her a frightened look but she didn't respond.

Slowly, I unlocked my lungs and allowed air to whoosh in through my nose, a million and one scents all assaulting me at once. But there was one scent that was ultimately stronger than all the others put together. The pain crashed in like a ten thousand tonne lead weight and instinct drowned out all reasoning. A growl ripped forth from my throat and I lunged forward, doing the only thing I could do to ease the excruciating hollow burning.

Then everything happened at once. There was a piercing scream that I knew in some deep dark corner of my mind should have disturbed me. Then I was being forced back, even as my teeth sunk into tough flesh. Fingers clawed at my arms, tearing me away from my prey. I snarled my protest and dug my teeth in deeper, grabbing hold of my quarry and refusing to let go. Liquid life oozed past my teeth, relieving the burning, and I dug in deeper, trying to coax more of it out. It wasn't enough, I needed more.

"Bella!" The shout was distant, the roaring of instinct in my ears drowning it out. There were cries of protest and soft whining whimpers. Huge arms circled my waist and tried to drag me back and I struggled against the force. Another pair of hands took me around the shoulders and yet another was trying to pry my grip from my meal, tugging on my wrists. Esme, Carlisle, Edward and… Emmett? Where had he come from? "Bella let go! Let her go!"

Let what go? Her?

"Bella…" This time the voice was an urgent whisper at my ear. "Let Alice go now." Edward. "Let her go. I know this isn't you," his voice was soft and persuasive, and it broke through my clouded red haze. My teeth loosened. "Good girl." He was speaking as if to a misbehaving dog. I had to blink and refocus for several seconds before I could ascertain what had happened, but when I did, true horror crashed down on my chest worse than the hunger pain before.

Alice was laying on the ground, her teeth clenched, pain written all over her pixie-like face. Her arm, the one that had been pointing to where I was supposed to bite the deer, sported a large gash where my teeth had sunk in at the crook of her elbow. She was gasping, in obvious shock while Jasper held her tightly, his eyes locked on me. I could read both fear and loathing and something like utter astonishment in that gaze.

"I… Alice. Oh, Alice, I didn't… I'm sorry." I stuttered. I didn't know what to do. That delectable smell was still wafting around the clearing, and I shut my lungs off to it, unwilling to incite the response of my dreadful instinct again.

Carlisle had moved from his position by the house and was now looking over Alice's wound. I only realised then that my arms were tightly restrained behind me. I turned my head. Esme, Emmett and Edward were staring at me in shocked horror. All three of them had a tight grip on my wrists.

"Take her inside," Carlisle ordered, and I flinched. His voice was as hard and unforgiving as ice. Then I was being pulled away, back into the Cullen's kitchen once again. It was Edward that sat me down on a chair and the grip on my arms loosened. The three of them stepped back, their eyes locked on me as if I were some kind of circus freak show. None of them said anything. I fixed my gaze on the floor tile in front of my feet. If I'd been physically able, my vision would have been swimming in unshed tears.

"Sorry, I'm so sorry…" I kept murmuring in an endless stream, as if that would help, would erase some of the horror of what I'd done. I didn't realise I was trembling until someone's arms encircled me. Again, it was Edward, but there was something different about his embrace. It was hesitant, like there was something inside him that he was doing his best to keep distant. Instinctively I knew that if I dared to breathe, there would be a sharp tang of fear in the air.

My stomach felt hollow, and while whatever liquid I was able to draw from Alice's body seemed to take the edge from it, I was still horribly hungry. And now, with a disturbing clarity I knew that the sacrifices I'd made had been so much more significant than I had ever anticipated.


	4. Chapter 4: Consequences

On some level I knew that Edward and his family had little reason in the last century to feel fear. It had become an unfamiliar emotion. It was something they were ill-equipped to deal with. Especially when the thing now causing that fear, was not something they could simply eliminate.

I sat alone in the kitchen of the Cullen's house while Esmee, Edward and Emmett stood on the other side of the room sneaking furtive glances at me when they thought I wasn't looking. I didn't really need to look to feel their eyes on me though. I hunched in my chair, trying to make myself smaller. Perhaps then their razor-like attention would find less of a target. The insistent burn of my hunger remained, throbbing in my throat and curling and uncurling in my stomach. I could still taste Alice, the exquisite flavour of her lingering on my tongue and teeth. My lungs remained stubbornly deflated, despite my natural instinct encouraging me to taste the air and relieve myself of a rather uncomfortable state of sensory deprivation.

I dare not.

I found myself wishing that I could cry, if only so Edward would stop looking at me as if I were the harbinger of his doom. If only to show them that I was still here, it was still me inside this body. How could I have ever known that my only wish – to be with Edward forever – would come at such a terrible price?

I took a careful breath through my mouth, needing the air to voice my thoughts, and cringed when Esmee and Emmett flinched visibly. I didn't know if Alice was going to be alright. I had no idea what was going on outside. Not knowing what was going to happen was what made this excruciating silence so painful to bear. Would they send me away now? Where? How was I going to survive if the only thing that would satisfy my thirst was the venom of other vampires? That was, venom and whatever blood they had soaked into their stone-like tissues. It was a horrific reality that I may not be able to stay with Edward and his family as I had hoped. I would now never be one of them. I had become something else entirely. Something who counted vampires among its prey.

"Edward… is Alice ok?" I asked tentatively. Though I spoke barely loud enough for a human's ears the sound of my voice was deafening in the small room. My eyes were glued to the floor tile directly in front of my feet and I only heard Edward breathe out a sigh. Frustration? Exasperation? Nervousness? I couldn't bring myself to lift my gaze lest I witness a quick stowing of fear. Silence descended again but just as I thought I was not going to get an answer, his melodious voice doused my greatest dread.

"She'll be fine. She's already healed, but she'll have a scar. Bella I – "

"No. It's ok," I interrupted him. I heard him take two wary steps forward, trying to close the sudden distance between us. Some part of my mind marvelled at the irony of our situation. I had become one of them to try and bridge the gap of predator and prey that lay heavily in our relationship, but instead only reversed our roles. Predator and prey. The realisation that I was now at the top of the planet's food chain held no wonder or amazement for me when I made the connection. It was a clinical, detached assessment that I instantly loathed. Power was never one of my ambitions.

"I guess I can't stay here. I'm a danger to all of you –"

"Bella…"

"– if you'll let me get my things, I'll – "

"Bella!"

I started at the sharp command for attention it was, my head coming up and almost jumping out of my chair when Edward's golden eyes filled my vision. He'd closed the distance and now stood right before me, his face hovering inches from mine.

"You're not going anywhere," he said forcefully, his gaze boring into mine.

"But – " I protested weakly. His intoxicating scent began dragging at my senses and the burning hunger reared its ferocious head. I gasped a quick breath through my lips and clamped my mouth shut, cutting off my air. I looked away from him, unable to maintain his intense contact.

"Not anywhere, do you understand? You're my wife. You belong here. With me." His fingers came up, gently caressed my cheek. "Breathe, love."

I shook my head stubbornly. I would not tempt myself to put Edward in danger. Not Edward. "I'm so frightened," I managed to say with whatever air that was still trapped in my lungs. And I was. I didn't know what was going to happen now or how I was going to survive.

"I'm not."

I glanced up at him again sharply, surprised. Why wouldn't he be scared of me? Why wouldn't he hate me after what I'd just done to Alice?

"Breathe."

Unthinkingly, I unlocked my lungs again and took a breath, almost groaning as venom filled my mouth at the delectable scent of his skin. I swallowed, trying to assuage the dryness of my throat, the pain in my stomach that flared in response. It was as if someone waved a roast in front of a starving man's face. It was cruel and terrible and the dry sob that escaped me was a result of the fact that I struggled to see Edward kneeling before me and not my next meal. We were being watched. Emmett and Esmee still stood against the kitchen counter on the opposite side of the room, but their attention was focused solely on us, no doubt anticipating when they would have to intervene again and pull me off my next victim. That thought made me sob again. How had this happened?


End file.
